I am tired, yes i am tired. Tired of the lies beneath the disguise. I am tired of the pain shed tears cry. I am tired of the innocent shed blood of violence, i am tired of the brutality of me by police and the honored code of silence. I am tired, but does my hatred make me a racist, or is it a misrepresentation of our nation. Maybe my mindset is generally basic. How can we be one nation under god but yet not see, that two can only walk together except they agree. I am tired of the nonsense. I am tired of the wrong doings and the lack of conscience. I am tired of the cultural differences that separates us and its rotten responses. How can i succeed, except i be intrigued by something else i see that prompts me to be all that i can be. So yes i am tired, so i guess i’ll just go to sleep.
I know i have been away for a while, sorry for my leap of absence. Life happened so it has kept me pretty busy. However in the midst of my busy schedule and most of the time hectic days i am inspired the more to put my thoughts down. With that being said, just like that…..I am Back…!!
Love is like a game of peak a boo. Life is received at conception so we dont get to pick or chose. I know times are tough, and our closest friends will shock us like pikachu. You see we are all the same, we just walk in different shoes. You can take my advise, I dont always think I am right or feel I am smuve. But its pitiful when love is sought by giving your body out to different dudes. Don’t get confused, between the two you’ll just get used. And that wound to your heart will do more damage on the spot, then what pistols do. I only hold the mirror no tricks involved this is you. All that knowledge, went to college and not even the slights clue. From church to night clubs, one night love then get the boot. Once smart, straight A marks in school, now labeled loose. But once in life everyone has to play the fool. At least that’s what you blame it too. Yes we walk to the beat of the same drum but we dance to different tunes. No insight on Mr. right, no husband you want a boo. No bible study for tonight you getting right, you got a room, him wanting sex you want too, your feeling hurt its on youtube. Ten thousand hits they watched you move, now labeled you a prostitute. Just when you thought the worst was through, he had the aids you have it to. The story made the evening news, and top it off this story true.
~Travis J. Gordon~
I am on my knees and begging you please
Just guide me God, your child’s in need
I know your sitting on the throne, facing eviction i need a home
God i feel my hope is gone,
mama’s crying and Daddy’s gone
No running water, no lights, bare cabinets, just mice
My world is as cold as ice
Tell me what am i to do, I am all alone and needing you
Grandma’s sick and pop has flu
My gold fish died, and the dog did too
Life is fast and time is racing, I need your help so i am staying patient
To make it worst my girl is pregnant, i am unemployed so abortion she’s contemplating
The devil’s on me, i don’t know why
Its hard to see sun through cloudy skies
My best friend committed suicide,while my brother was convicted of homicide
I am not giving up my faith is high
My greatest struggle everyday is just staying alive
I know you’ll make a way i got nothing but time, I will trust in you to get me in line
You see my whole life has been nothing but lies, but i found out that nothing is impossible when you just give it to God
I will keep doing what’s right and put God first, Give all my problems to God have faith and “Watch God Work” Amen
I have never questioned God as to why my life turned out this way even as i struggle to take my final breaths outside in the cold alone with no family, friends or love ones present , i have not once complained of my circumstances nor situations i have found myself in. This time will be no different. Yes i know this is a sad way to go but where life takes me next i look forward to leaving this behind. I for one, except my choices and the decisions that i’ve made in life. I won’t sit and tell you of the hardships i’ve had to face or every detail of how it was to be in my shoes. With all of society that looks at me as the less fortunate, i have plenty. What i lack in personal possessions and property i make up in spirit and in will. I don’t want your pity or for you to look down on me. You see the world has been blinded by the glitter and glamour of success and materialistic possessions, that people will do any and everything to obtain it. You lie, cheat, steal and kill, just to say or feel you are somebody. I have nothing, but guess what? I am still somebody! My views of the world is completely different as a lot of you see it. You complain about your utility bill being high, when i have no lights to turn on, no water to leave running. Your “crappy apartment” as you call it would be like a mansion to me for i have no home nor a place to call home. I make rest anyplace i can find, many times with nothing to protect or shield me from the elements of mother nature. The park bench can’t in no ways shape or form compare to your mattress that you often time complain of the springs hurting your back. My feet often time blister from all the walking i do not having the luxury of any form of transportation or decent shoes. My greatest meals have come from, what most of you have thrown away in your garbage. Please don’t judge me or feel sorry for me for the simple fact that many of you could find yourself in my situation. But most of you can’t handle it like i did. I am a survivor no matter how you view my conditions. I take pride in myself in knowing despite my circumstances i never gave up on myself. You all backstab your friends and family when i long to hear the sound of another voice that acknowledges my existence. Or just to have a conversation with a friend.I am not crazy, even though you see what appears to be me talking to myself. In all actuality, with no friends of this natural world i sought after a spiritual friend who is not of this world and i found one. That’s who i am talking too, what a friend I found in Jesus!!! Yes I have a name but right now its irrelevant because in just a few more hours i will be just another homeless, unidentified, unclaimed body in the morgue. No family to cry for me, no church to host the funeral, no write ups of my life in the paper of my major accomplishments only my failures and short comings. Even in the end as my body lay lifeless on this hard ground that throughout my life i have became oh so familiar with, I am thankful. My name maybe irrelevant but my life is not you see even though i remain nameless my life inspired this story that will be read by thousands of people. So let my life be of some use in whatever way you see fit in order to better your own lives. Don’t put so much effort into things that have no real value, but value what most take for granted. My life is over in this world, but you know what that one friend that i made has promised me more then anyone can imagine and it awaits me in my next life. In the end i guess i got the one thing i always wanted, the chance to be heard.
There is not one person who should be mentally where they were 10 years ago. The world is changing no matter if you want it too or not. To change is to show growth, but only when that change is for the better. Criticism now a days tend to be an ugly word. Many have the ability to critic many things from movies to cars to even fashion. However personal criticism is the hardest for most to deal with. Most can dish it as the saying goes but can’t take it.Everyone wants to succeed, i don’t care who you are even though everyone’s personal level of success is measured different. But many don’t want to put in the necessary work in order too achieve personal success. Even personal reflection or self evaluations comes tainted with the inability for one to be truthful with one’s self of short comings, weaknesses and bad habits. “I don’t have an attitude”, “i don’t have to change a thing about myself” “i will make it regardless” is what you tell yourself 9 times out of ten. Pride and humility are two main factors that truly separate the haves from the have nots. “I don’t need no help” or “i can do it myself” truth of the matter is in order to succeed we all will eventually need the helping hand of someone else.
There is a saying that goes “You can’t read a book by its cover” true statement to say the least, however you can gather some idea most of the time of the substance that abides within the pages based on the cover. You have to do more then just want to do better for yourself, you have to take a step in the direction of that in which you wish to obtain. “Fake it til you make it” to this day remains by far the worlds worst quote ever. To “fake” it shows no real work effort, no progress. Fake is defined as a thing that is not genuine; a forgery or sham. So in other words you can fake it but it still won’t be real. There has to be a mental change that has to take place before you can even dream of your success. Every great idea starts in the mind, well so does personal growth. However it takes reflection, evaluation and change to actually grow.
No matter where you are in life, don’t stop striving for the best. In order to be considered pursuing your dreams, you actually have to already be in motion. Make your dreams your reality by making the necessary changes to promote your own personal growth. By doing this and only by doing this will you elevate.
I might as well be honest with you, because it’s that obvious and you still can’t see it. They say love is blind, i say love must be dumb, however i don’t love you. I don’t even know what love is, but I say it because i know that’s what you wanna hear. I have said lots of things that you want to hear just to get what i want. My intentions were to not only just to get inside your pants oh no can’t stop there i wanted to get inside of you. Your face is ok, but you not all that pretty i have seen prettier, however your body is bangin!! Yeah i called you a dime, but you more like a 5, but the way you walk in them heels and the size of those thighs caught my eyes. I give myself away and you still don’t pay attention. I really don’t know why we even together to start with, because i wasn’t looking for no more than a good time and great sex. All i wanted from the start was sex anyway, how come you couldn’t tell? That was all we talked about and when we wasn’t talking about it we were texting about it. We never even had a decent conversation, which majority of the time was “so how do you like it” “what do you have on” or ” what’s your favorite position” just to have thoughts in mind of me undressing you. If it wasn’t that it was you telling me how horny you were. I must admit the sex is great but other then that we have nothing in common, which leads me to my next question. How did we form a relationship off of sex? No no let me answer that, it was just that good that’s why! I didn’t want to give that up and you confused that with a commitment.
Like everything else, all good things must come to an end. Sex with you is old news but i am not trying to let you go so i tell you what i am doing right now, I act as if i am your Mr. Right in your eyes, but what you don’t know won’t hurt you. We can go out to eat,we can go to the clubs together where i only look for potential side chicks. I even listed you on my Facebook page as in a relationship with to make it really look good. But hey it works better that way for me because your friends that act like they don’t like me, and tell you i am no good are sending me messages on the low. I got you to thank practically for that also, because if you hadn’t told them how good i was in bed or my penis size, they wouldn’t be trying to hook up. I give out my number and tell em to just text me. Its funny because its no need to tell em i have a girl, because they already see it on my page so i already know what’s up some girls are scandalous. I got to make sure i follow the rules to the game though to make sure i don’t get caught up. I can’t mess up a “good thing.”
Rules to the Game
1.) Always take care of home first. If you want your cake and ice cream at the same time.
2.)Push come to shove just get an out of town boo. Keeps noisy folks out of your business.
3.) Only mess with someone who has something to lose. If they have someone the chances are slim of them telling on you.
4.) Keep your cell phone locked. In case of a fishing women she is instantly denied access.
5.) Delete all evidence. Call logs and text messages and photos. If she get in your phone she finds nothing.
6.) Add contacts as a guys name. Or don’t have names only numbers. It complicates things but its harder to put a face with a number.
7.) Don’t sleep with two females that are friends. Lose lips sinks ships.
8.) Don’t catch feelings for your side chick. Its only sex, and you put yourself in the same boat as your main chick
9.)If at anytime you are compromised, admit to nothing. Even if caught in the act.
10.) Bringing another women in your bed were your woman lays her head is a no no!! Women know their own hair.
11.) The smell of sex and air fresher don’t mix.
12.) You can’t talk your way out of having physical evidence on your body. Lip stick, perfume, hair, or a hickey “its a burn” won’t fly
13.) Don’t use your alibi if your alibi is unaware. Its like using a bad reference for a job.
14.) leaving the room to talk on your phone is a bed idea. No such thing as a private conversation when in a relationship.
15.) if she finds out and catches you find a way to make everything her fault. She is the one who is wrong not you being she looked for it.
If i fallow the rules i should be just fine. Its crazy because half the time my erection overshadow my better judgement that i break half of the rules in the heat of the moment. But you so wrapped up in my sex game, you can’t see the real game. Well if it ain’t broke don’t fix it i guess. As the day dream fades he turns away from her while she leaves the room frustrated while asking questions of the presence of makeup on his shirt from the night before. Its back to business, “Hey boo! what’s up sexy?” as he logs in and checks his inbox messages.
Not to focus too much by way of gender, but more as a way of life and way of thinking the cliché mostly associated with the working man can basically go both ways and apply to women as well. Life’s obstacles have no set gender, age nor nationality for which it chooses to interfere. You work hard, perhaps too hard, always on time and never late. Taking your job seriously, trying to be the best at what you do. Up early and in late is your normal routine. More than likely you are in fact overworked and underpaid. Frustrated most of the time because your hard work goes unnoticed, but who cares right? Co-workers back stabbing, and who brown nose on a regular, greet you with a fake smile every morning when you know they don’t like you but hey, it’s a dead end job that pays the bills! Life is lived on a pay check to pay check bases barely keeping your head above water; however determination and responsibilities keeps you focused. A single parent that must provide for not only you but your child or children, your child’s clothes are getting to small and you receive no support from the absent parent at all. You are forced to play many roles of mom, dad, doctor, mechanic, best friend, worst enemy, psychologist, psychic, and super hero all at the same time. Your only chance to go shopping for yourself is always ruined by your clunker of a car that insist on breaking down once a month. On a fixed income, you have no other choice then to juggle your bills which through the years has caused you to accumulate a large debt that has collectors calling. No worries though you know just to ignore the 800 numbers or simply say “you have the wrong number” with dreams of advancing in life you are pursuing a degree of higher learning so the idea of a social life at this point really seems far-fetched for the simple fact your night classes take up any chance at real romance or meeting your Mr. /Mrs. Right. No need to complain because, you realize complaining won’t solve anything. You get no endorsement deals or gold medals for this only gray hairs, hair loss and headaches from time to time.
This is the average life for most people. Far from a fairy tale, or a made up reality show that shows everything but reality. We are not actors at all even though we have to play many parts. It’s like you are standing at the bottom of the stairs looking to the top and with every step you take the stairs continue to move up with you. Picture walking on an escalator the wrong way, there is no reaching the top, only the gradual slow climb. With the personal satisfaction of taking 10 steps, situations and circumstances knock you back 5 leaving a feeling of no progress at all. However, remember that slow progress is still in fact progress. Progress in turn is a process, so all of the situations and circumstances are only factors in that process. We all want the best that life has to offer, the good life as one would say. The career of your dreams to the car of your dreams, that special someone to share it with the house with the picket fence with children are what most look to obtain. Just know that you are not in this alone, there are many more like you who on regular bases encounter the some problems, setbacks, obstacles, trials and misfortunes but still continue to look for ways to better their own lives. Stay positive throughout your climb; don’t stop moving forward no matter how slow the movement is. Don’t let life’s little setbacks keep you from reaching and aiming high. You can recover from a bad start. Behind every great success, use to be the average Joe like you with above average goals and thoughts.
In today’s time, we live in an imperfect world, with less then perfect people, who subsequently make bad decisions or poor judgement calls when faced with difficult situations in life. Some are just careless mistakes due to the inability it think logically. However we are not defined by those mistakes in which we make. Those actions that we take that are looked upon in society in a negative light, tied to each individuals past that are unknown to the public we know these as “skeletons”. For example: the squeaky clean congressmen, who’s image has been built on morals and ethics being exposed for an affair outside of his marriage. This may come as a shock to many of you. But in all actuality its expected, not the actual affair by a politician but the mistake and bad judgement by a person that is not above making mistakes.
Society has tried to categorize wrongdoing, by putting it on a level merely based on an ethical, moral or religious view point. This way of thinking has caused many to become very judgemental when it comes to the assessment of someone’s wrongs. There are always unknown factors that we are unaware of. No matter how serious the wrong its still wrong versus right. Killing someone is indeed wrong, but also cheating on your spouse. Dealing drugs is wrong and against the law, but so is speeding. Let who that is without sin cast the first stone.
The person that you become does not have to reflect your past when moving into a positive direction. We all have done some things that we are not proud of that many people don’t know about, but ultimately its those things that helps us grow as a person. Time brings forth change or the ability too change. I am not confined within the barriers of my mistakes, nor am I defined by them. If this were so a drug user, even though clean and sober would always be a drug user. That goes for alcoholics, prostitutes, and homo sexuals as well.
Life is all about choices we make, good choices brings rewards while bad choices brings consequences. Either way you will always be judged on those choices, however the bad choices are life lessons to be learned from. The bad choices that we make that are within our private lives withheld from public view, sometimes has a way of resurfacing when we least expect. When this happens DON’T panic, remain calm and remember no one is perfect. No matter how big or how small Everyone has some skeletons in there closet. The one who may disagree be warned for one day your skeleton just might step out to say hi.